Thursday, March 21, 2013

A Funny (and obnoxious) telemarketer

I was walking around at a Chamber of Commerce trade show today looking at the various businesses showcasing their goods and services.  In the midst of it my cell phone rang.  I thought it might be home, so I stepped out of the way and answered it.  Low and behold it was a telemarketer.  Now, I respect sales people, and appreciate the hard work that cold call telemarketing is.  I am, after all, a salesperson myself.  But it didn't take long for it to turn cheesy.

"Wow, you sound like you are  having a great day.  Just talking to you made my day go better."  (I'm just asking, do lines like this actually work on anyone?"

Salesman: "So, does the wife love shopping?"

Me: "No, not really."

Salesman: "I'm not surprised, but my script tells me I am supposed to ask."

And on and on the winning lines came.  I was actually amused at the phone call.  He asked if we had ever been to Branson.  Then I figured it out, he wanted to sell me time share.  Since I can sometimes get free tickets and free lodging in Branson, I didn't need his offer, but I was really curious what his offer would be to get me to bite.

"So, here's my offer."  He said in the fakey, smiley, phony, salesey (is that even a word) voice.

"Three days and 2 nights in a deluxe hotel designed like a castle, 2 show tickets and a $30 food voucher.  Not to mention the discount card you receive absolutely free.  The tickets are worth $100 and the food voucher $30.  This doesn't even count the nights in the hotel, so, you will agree that $139 is a good deal, right?"

Quite honestly, it wasn't a very good deal, because, like I said, I can usually get free accommodations and show tickets through where I work, but the offer got even better!!!!

"Plus, there will be a short, 4 hour, entertaining presentation about what we can do for you and the fun things we offer."

I am thinking, at this point, I have to listen to a 4 hour commercial to talk me into spending money, plus I have to pay to go?  I wasn't seeing an upside, but then this is where it got interesting.

"The hotel room has an arcade for the kids, and room for 4, so you could bring the whole family.  By the way, how many do you travel with."

"6, I have 4 kids"

"Oh,"  I could almost hear the disappointment in his voice.  But he recovered quickly.  "I am sure we can have room for everyone.  And you can have a nice time with the family.  Send the kids to the arcade in the hotel and you and the missus can, well I'll let you fill in the blank.  Or, maybe with 4 already, you have enough and will find something else to do."

REALLY?!?!?  At that point, even if they had offered it for free, I would have said no.  I know he thought he was being a funny salesman and trying to make conversation.  Quite honestly, I am not even aggravated at him, but rather the culture.  Four kids isn't too many.  Four kids isn't even a large family by any standard other than today's.  How sad to think that, given the opportunity, I would refuse to take yet another blessing from God (not to mention, you know what with my wife), just because I don't want any more kids.  Is that really where our culture is?

You know what is even funnier.  He was making that joke, and inside I had to laugh.  What I didn't tell him is that all 4 of my kids are adopted!!!!

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